Update on my update

A friend of mine whom I haven't seen in a long time, wrote me an email in response to my last blog post. This was her email:

"I just read your blog update about your boys. Tears filled my eyes as I considered what a good mommy you are to your little ones. They are so blessed to have a mother who carries them on her heart, praying for them, diligently teaches them (with patience I am sure--as you always seem so calm/patient!). As I am finding myself in the trenches with my boys it helps to remind myself of those who have gone ahead of me and are excelling at joyfully serving the Lord by raising their children and loving their husband."

Well, immediately in response, I had a realization. This is part of what I wrote back to her:

"It is so good to hear from you! I didn't realize that you were still reading my blog. Honestly, while I'm encouraged by your email, I realize too, that by sharing so sporadically, I can paint the picture that all is well all the time, which of course you know that it isn't. Unfortunately, I don't have to the time to blog regularly, so my updates can highlight just the good moments. Trust me, we have PLENTY of difficult moments (or shall we say sovereign deliveries) that I don't blog about. I am not patient, in fact far from it. I am so impatient that it makes the times that I am patient stand as out even more as work of the Lord. I battle anger every day, several times a day. I've given into anger many times a day through harsh words or an angry tone.

Nevertheless, thanks for your email and for your encouragement. I like how you said that you are in the "trenches". It's so true! Several days out of the week, I don't get out of my pjs, I don't brush my teeth (til after lunch at least when the boys go down!), and our house is a mess. But as you said, it's about joyfully serving the Lord, and that JOY comes from knowing our Savior, who helps us in our times of need."

I don't mean to paint this picture of my life that every day goes smoothly, and school goes off without a hitch or that I'm praying for them all the time. I hope to post more about those harder moments...the real moments of motherhood, but blogging is never at the top of my to do list. I will say this, by far in my life to this moment, this is one of the hardest jobs I have ever done, but my three little "employers" bring me so much joy, and the love they show me is far beyond what I deserve.