Lessons I'm Learning Through Financial Difficulties

I am just trying to get this down, so we can look back and thank God for His goodness and provision and steadfast love toward us.  I want my kids to remember how God provided for us during this time, and all that the Lord taught us about the God that He is.  So my next several posts are for me and my family, so we can remember and recount His goodness to us. 

We've been on a journey with our finances and God's provision for our family over the past couple of years. At more than one time in the almost 10 years we've been married, we been sustained through loss of employment for Peter (twice), changing to one income, trusting God through starting up His wedding business.

But more recently, He is testing our faith in this area more than before.  The wedding season has slowed, and Peter's business has not picked up as it typically does in the spring and summer.  I can say with surety, though, that this does not limit God, and it is NOT an indicator of how the Lord will provide for us. But it can be a source of temptation for us. Looking at the numbers or details of our bank accounts, it doesn't make sense, and one would fret (which we have done and still face at many a moment). But I know that God is bigger than numbers, and bigger than logic.

Some of the stories in the Bible that God has brought to my mind that are serving as faith-building reminders, that the same God of the Old Testament, is the same God who loves me with His steadfast love and faithfulness because of His son Jesus Christ:

- Manna from Exodus 16: It's so amazing how the Lord provided for the Israelites after they left Egypt. It wasn't lavish or extravagant (but then again they were in the dessert, weren't they), nor was it abundant. God provided exactly what they needed for each day. No more, and no less. Quail in the evening, and bread in the morning. When the Israelites got greedy, or like me, out of a lack of faith or fear for the future, collected more than they had need for, then the bread turned into worms and stank. God provided for His people for forty years. Manna, every day for 40 years! Can you imagine that?

What strikes me about this story is that when they collected the manna, each and every person had there fill. God not only knows what we need, but He knows how much we need. This may be very different from what our preferences are, but nonetheless, God knows how much for us to have our fill.

This brings me to another passage in the Bible, the Lord's Prayer from Matthew 6:5-14.
- "Give us this day our daily bread."

God says to ask for our "daily" bread. I am learning to see that His desire is for us to ask daily for His provision, and trust in his DAILY provision for today, and only today. He does promise that we will have what we need, just as the birds of the air and the lilies of the field are fed and clothed. Matt. 6:24 also says, "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Just like manna. Just enough for today. No more, no less. What does this look like for in my daily life? This means that I pray in faith for the Lord to provide for my family today's needs. To then receive with gratefulness and faith what he has given me today.

Back in Jesus' time there were no direct deposits, and daresay salaried work. You were paid for the work that you did then. I've far too long believed the lie that my security is in our paycheck and in our bank account. It's not. My security is in the Lord alone.

Some other promises I'm trusting in from God's word and quotes to remember:
- Isaiah 42:16
"And I will lead the blind

in a way that they do not know,

in paths that they have not known

I will guide them.

I will turn the darkness before them into light,

the rough places into level ground.

These are the things I do,

and I do not forsake them."

- Isaiah 46:8-10

"Remember this and stand firm,

recall it to mind, you transgressors,

9 remember the former things of old;

for I am God, and there is no other;

I am God, and there is none like me,

10 declaring the end from the beginning

and from ancient times things not yet done,

saying, ‘My counsel shall stand,

and I will accomplish all my purpose,’"

- Isaiah 26:3-4

" You keep him in perfect peace

whose mind is stayed on you,

because he trusts in you.

 Trust in the Lord forever,

for the Lord God is an everlasting rock."

-Lamentations 3:21-24

"But this I call to mind,

and therefore I have hope:

22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;

his mercies never come to an end;

23 they are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

24 “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,

“therefore I will hope in him.”

- Lamentations 3:37-38

"Who has spoken and it came to pass,

unless the Lord has commanded it?

38 Is it not from the mouth of the Most High

that good and bad come?"

These verses in Lamentations reminded me that even trials are an expression of His steadfast love for me.  From the Isaiah 46 verse, I'm reminded that He will accomplish His purpose.  This He will do through His sovereign will and especially through trials.  

From J.I. Packer on providence:

"The unceasing activity of the Creator whereby, in overflowing bounty and goodwill, He upholds His creatures in ordered existence, guides and governs all events, circumstances, and free acts of angels and men, and directs everything to its appointed goal, for His own glory."

Charles Spurgeon:

"The main business is to be saved from the fear of trouble.  If you are quiet, calm, and assured, you are really saved from your trial's sting.  The trial is nothing if it does not sting your soul.  If your heart is not troubled, them there is not trouble.  All the poverty and all the pain the world would not prevail if the evil of it did not enter your soul." - from Beside Still Waters 

"The Greatest blessing God gives us is His presence...If God is with us, if His divine love surrounds us, them we carry our own atmosphere and residence wherever we travel."  

- from Beside Still Waters 

T-Max's Prayer

Yesterday we had N's 6th Rainbow Adventure birthday party. At night during prayer, this is what T-Max prayed:

Dear God,

Please help me to turn 4. Please help my birthday to come fast. In Jesus name, Amen.

***

Too cute! I love that he prays from his heart. Gotta love that boy!

Tonight's Prayers

The kids pray each night before bed. Some nights we tell them what to pray for, but many nights we just ask them to pray what is on their hearts. It touches us to hear the prayers from their hearts which are so genuine, simple, and so meaningful. Just want to remember these prayers from tonight.

N:

Dear God,

Help me to have wisdom, and help me to believe in you more.

In Jesus name,
Amen

T-Max:

Dear God,

Thank you for Jesus dying on the cross for my sins. And thank you for finding my black and green car.

In Jesus name we pray,
Amen

I need more wisdom, and I need help to believe in Him more. And I need God's help in finding my purple notebook that's been missing for a few months that has lots of notes important to me. Thanks kiddos for inspiring me with your prayers!

Field Trip to National Postal Museum 3/29

I'm on a roll here. It's makes it easy when Peter uploads to flickr. :)

At the end of March we went on a field trip to the National Postal Museum, and then hit the cherry blossoms after while we were downtown. It was a great day! We especially like the FDR Memorial. I definitely want to go back again. Pics on flickr.

Here are a few that capture our day:


As Zay was driving the truck, I said, "honk, honk!" and instead of using the horn, he squeezed his nose and said, "honk, honk!"


Learning about the different modes of mail delivery






N asked Peter to take each picture so that when you move the dial back and forth in the view mode, it would look like she's doing the stayin' alive move (that's not what she called it though). That girl is so funny!


Family Pic


Where's T-Max?

Zay 20 months

Just want to get down some of the things that Zay is saying these days:

Abba, ready, eat!
Translation: Abba. The food's ready. Come eat! - to call him down to eat with us.

Datter. Abba. Detch. = Faster. Abba. Catch.
Translation: Go faster. We need to catch Abba! - One day in the car with me behind dad, trying to catch up to his car.

I-wunnit. = I want it. (I think he thinks this may be one word.)

Wok. Outtide. = Crocs. Outside.
Translation: Put on my crocs, I want to go outside!
Anytime, he wants to go outside, the first thing he yells is "wok" for his crocs.

Wun some. = Want some.
Translation: I want some. - usually pointing to food.

He's definitely putting two or three words together, especially when it comes to a name and something that belongs to that person or a person and then an action word. It's exciting to see him communicate, and so fun to see his reaction when he's understood, especially after being misunderstood. But when I can't understand what he's saying, I just defer to N or T-Max, who seem to understand what he is saying better than I do.

He loves reading. Some of his favorite books, just to name a few so I can remember.
Goodnight, Moon by Margaret Wise Brown
The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle
Oh My Oh My Oh Dinosaurs by Sandra Boyton
My Very First 100 Words from Priddy Books

10 Years Ago

Almost 10 years ago exactly, Peter proposed to me (on 4.27.2001) at Harper's Ferry. It was our 2 year anniversary of dating, and we had both taken the day off to celebrate together. Peter's plans fell through, so he ended up proposing at Harper's Ferry. His original plan was to propose up in a hot air balloon, but during our picnic, he received a phone call from the guy saying that it was too windy that that and that he would have to reschedule. I remember Peter making it sound like he was talking to his brother. Anyways...

Just this past week we went back as a family to Harper's Ferry for a spontaneous field trip since Peter was scheduled to go shoot an engagement proposal. You can see pics here. It was crazy as we were strolling and holding the hands of our 3 kiddos. We walked in unmarried and without children, and now ten years later, oh - how our lives have changed since then! Our lives are richer because of them, and we are SO enjoying each one of them so much these days.

We made the most of this homeschool opportunity to talk with them about the Civil War and the events around John Brown's raid, which we both didn't know about before teaching them. But they were so funny because we were waiting at the shuttle stop where the visitor center and the restrooms are running and playing with each other, and they said, "Oooh! This is so much fun! Can we come here again?" And we hadn't even entered the actual area. They are so easy to please! You can see all the pics on flickr of our trip to Harper's Ferry and a visit with our cousins from NC, but here are a few:


Can you guess why girlie is not in this pic? 4 letter word - gnat!




N insisted on posing in this way.

Zay Bear Sets the Table

Tonight as I was bringing the dinner dishes to the table to prepare for supper, Zay Bear ran to the drawer and got out a fork and ran over to Abba's seat and placed the fork on the table in front of his chair. Then he proceeded to run over to the bottom of the stairs and yelled, "Abba, ready!". He had seen his brother and sister do this many a time both for lunch and dinner to call Peter to come down for meals. After his announcement to Peter, he ran over and then went to get another fork and placed it in my spot, and the one for his sister, brother, and himself. What a good little helper!

When I took him upstairs to tell Peter what he had done, he listened carefully as I shared his accomplishments, and he had such a proud smile on his face.

T-Max's Prayer

T-Max's prayer the other night:

Noona had just finished praying about the people in Japan and their recovery after the earthquake and tsunami. It was T-Max's turn to pray, but just before we began praying we heard firetrucks and ambulance going down our street. So we had run to the window to take a look.

Dear God,

Please help the firetruck to help the somebody.
Please help the firetruck to rescue the somebody.
In Jesus name, Amen.

His prayer

On Saturday, Zay Bear spontaneously prayed for his sister who complained of a tummy ache. He always bows his head so low that his chin almost hits his chest when he prays. This was his prayer:

"Dod (God), Noona bebber (better). Amen."

Way too sweet!

Update on my update

A friend of mine whom I haven't seen in a long time, wrote me an email in response to my last blog post. This was her email:

"I just read your blog update about your boys. Tears filled my eyes as I considered what a good mommy you are to your little ones. They are so blessed to have a mother who carries them on her heart, praying for them, diligently teaches them (with patience I am sure--as you always seem so calm/patient!). As I am finding myself in the trenches with my boys it helps to remind myself of those who have gone ahead of me and are excelling at joyfully serving the Lord by raising their children and loving their husband."

Well, immediately in response, I had a realization. This is part of what I wrote back to her:

"It is so good to hear from you! I didn't realize that you were still reading my blog. Honestly, while I'm encouraged by your email, I realize too, that by sharing so sporadically, I can paint the picture that all is well all the time, which of course you know that it isn't. Unfortunately, I don't have to the time to blog regularly, so my updates can highlight just the good moments. Trust me, we have PLENTY of difficult moments (or shall we say sovereign deliveries) that I don't blog about. I am not patient, in fact far from it. I am so impatient that it makes the times that I am patient stand as out even more as work of the Lord. I battle anger every day, several times a day. I've given into anger many times a day through harsh words or an angry tone.

Nevertheless, thanks for your email and for your encouragement. I like how you said that you are in the "trenches". It's so true! Several days out of the week, I don't get out of my pjs, I don't brush my teeth (til after lunch at least when the boys go down!), and our house is a mess. But as you said, it's about joyfully serving the Lord, and that JOY comes from knowing our Savior, who helps us in our times of need."

I don't mean to paint this picture of my life that every day goes smoothly, and school goes off without a hitch or that I'm praying for them all the time. I hope to post more about those harder moments...the real moments of motherhood, but blogging is never at the top of my to do list. I will say this, by far in my life to this moment, this is one of the hardest jobs I have ever done, but my three little "employers" bring me so much joy, and the love they show me is far beyond what I deserve.

Zay's 18 Month and T-Max's 3 year Update

Intended to get T-Max's 3 year stats up back in December...but I just couldn't get past the busyness of the holidays, traveling, and school.

The crazy thing is that at the time of T-Max's checkup, he still had 2 pounds on Zay, but as of this week, little brother officially weighs more than big brother.

T-Max @ 3 years:
Weight: 28.6 lbs - 10th percentile
Height: 37 in - 25th percentile

Zay Bear @ 18 months:
Weight: 29.5 lbs - 75-90th
Height: 34.5 in - 90-95th
Head: 19.25 in - 75-90th

T-Max has grown and matured so much. He is our sweetest, most affectionate, cuddly one. Last night after T-Max and N were put to bed, he was annoying his sister by kissing her face repeatedly. When N asked him to stop, his reply was, "But Noona, I just love you!" Of course, he knows how to get on her nerves, but this captures our little guy. He's so sweet. It is not uncommon to find him caressing my face or my arm gently.

He's been doing great with preschool, working on shapes, numbers, tracing, coloring, identifying first sounds in a word or just putting together his favorite puzzles or building with legos. He's becoming more interested in our daily Bible readings and remembering specific people we've read about. Lately, he's been into acting out David and Goliath.

T-Max's heart is very tender. He is compassionate and sensing. When his Noona is sick, he is quick to pray for her and he'll run and get her favorite stuffed puppy. Once I tripped and had a pretty bad fall. He was the first one to run over and ask me if I was okay over and over. His first name means {God is good}. My prayer for him is that he would know the heart of God, and that through his life, that people would be able to see the goodness of God.

Zay Bear is by far our craziest one! But he's such a big boy too! He's speaking a ton and repeats everything we say. It always amazes us how much he understands. He's starting to put words together. He'll often look for someone/something by saying "Bear...where?" or say "Abba nigh night" if daddy is sleeping.

He's become super attached to his blankie, which he calls "mimi" and his bear. I have no idea where he got that name for his blankie. He literally eats ALL day, and I even asked the doctor the other day if overeating at this age can be a problem! But he just has a healthy appetite. He appears to have an adventurous palette too, as recently he's requested kimchi (unwashed!) and gak-doo-ghee (spicy radish) which neither of my older kids will eat.

Zay loves everything Elmo and Abby and the rest of the Sesame Street gang. He loves singing songs or just moving to music. He learns songs very quickly, and seems drawn to music in general. Just today he was swaying to some classical music. When we turned the music off, he walked over to the computer to try and turn it back on. His first name means {God is salvation} and his his middle name means {praise and thanksgiving}. Recently as I prayed for Zay at bedtime, I thought about the meaning of his name and thought of "praise and worship". It made me begin to pray for the Lord to grant him musical gifting to lead people to salvation through music/praise/worship.

I love my boys! And I love that they have each other.

Autumn Pics

Just uploaded a bunch of photos we took from the autumn on flickr. Check out our niece's Dohl, field trip to a pumpkin patch, some of our Thanksgiving activities, pics of Operation Christmas Child boxes, our science experiments, and other random things.

A few highlights here:

Samaritan's Purse Operation Christmas Child

I'm really excited to involve my kiddos Operation Christmas Child this year. I had wanted to last year as well, but I didn't get my act together in time and totally missed the drop off.

All week we've been reading the SP newsletter about the program and stories of children who received shoeboxes whose lives are changed by a few simple gifts. We've also been praying for the little girl and little boy who will receive our shoeboxes. We were inspired to pray for God to help us to know what each child would need as we read about a boy named Kanuti in Africa who took his school supplies to school in a torn plastic bag. When he opened his box, he found a backpack! As well, we read about Rahma, also an African boy, whose clothes were tattered and too small. In his shoebox, he had been given a pair of jeans that fit him perfectly! Kanuti and Rahma are now believers, and no doubt receiving their shoeboxes had an impact on their receiving faith.

So today we took a trip as a family to Target to get all sorts of goodies. N and T-Max were super excited about picking out gifts! And I'm even more excited that SP now has a system where if you make your donation online to cover the shipping, they can track which country your box goes to. How cool is that?

Anyways, I don't even really know who's reading this out there, but if you would consider making a shoebox donation to a child in need somewhere in the world, that would be awesome. Here's a video that tells you more about OCC.

By the way, collection week is Nov. 15-22, and if you live near me, there's a drop off at:

Redland Baptist Church
6922 Muncaster Mill Road
Rockville, MD 20855

Zay's 15 month stats

Zay's our biggest baby yet! And it's not that he's all that chubby, he's just really meaty and solid. Just want to get down his stats and a few of his newest words so I don't forget.

Weight: 26 1/2 lbs 75th percentile
Height: 32 1/2 in 75-90th
Head: 19 in 75-90th

He's by far much more verbal at this age than my older boy. He seems to understand so much of what we say, simple directions, he's able to follow well (throw it away, put it in the sink, give this to so and so), when we tell stories about him or when we say that we think he's cute, he gives a cheesy toothy grin.

Some of his newest words...

"wah-ry" = sorry
The other day he bit his brother on the cheek (T-Max still has a mark!). I was teaching him to say sorry while stroking his brother's face gently. And now when he thinks he's done something wrong, he'll say "wah-ry".

"way, way" = away
He says this after every diaper change or after snacks and meals to either throw away the diaper or put his bowl or cup in the sink. He loves to go to the sink and launch his bowl into the sink (learned from watching the big kids do this when they are done with their food).

"day-doo" = thank you
He loves to feed his snacks to the rest of us, and say "day-doo" while nodding his head fervently several times as he walks away.

He's also in this stage of repeating what we say, so he's definitely experimenting with language, both Korean and English.

So much to capture about this little guy at this age, but too little time. This will have to do for now.

Pics from my b-day

I had a great birthday, a couple of weeks back. Here are some pics of the actual day. My favorite part of the day was the fact that my kiddos had made me cupcakes with my hubbie. I'm often the one baking, and it had been my secret wish to have someone bake for me. That day, Peter didn't have a car (one was in the shop) and it was raining, but he thought creatively and happened to find a box of cake mix in the pantry and none other than Nutella for the frosting. They were delicious!



Here the kiddos "frosting" the cakes. At least girlie frosted a few. T-Max frosted one and immediately ate it!







A pic with each of my kiddos. Doesn't T-Max look most like me?






The yummy cakes. Anything is better with a little Nutella. :)


Our Zay Bear enjoying his cupcake...always so diligent about eating.


Just a few more pics from that day I didn't include here.

T-Max

I've been having frequent headaches the past several days. Peter asked T-Max to pray for me and to repeat, "Dear God, please help Umma's headache go away." He mumbled something similar, then paused to ask, "Why Umma head go away?" with the most puzzled look on his face. So darn cute!

1 year and 5 years

Just want to jot this down quickly:

Zay Bear's 1 year stats:

Weight: 24 lbs 14 oz 75th percentile
Height: 311/2 in 90th
Head: 18 3/4 in 75-90th

Some of the things he's doing:
- loves to throw things down and say "uh oh!"
- loves saying "hi" to people
- points to picture of a ball in a book and says "ball"
- points to family picture and says "bba" = abba, "umma", and "na" = noona
- loves dropping different objects in containers and taking them out
- rolls cars on the floor making car sounds
- added a few new words: "ba-oon" = balloon, "psh" = fish, "mamma" = food in Korean. "boh" = bboh bboh - kiss in Korean
- loves playing peek a boo saying "puh-boo"

N also had her 5 year check up. The doctor was shocked to see that she had gained about 6 pounds and 3 inches in one year. Most of the growth happened pretty recently when we thought she had gone through a growth spurt. Despite how much she grew, her percentiles are the exact same as last year.

N @ 5 years:
Weight: 42.6 lbs 50-75th percentile
Height: 43 1/4 in 50-75th

I finally purchase my homeschooling curriculum for the fall. We got a huge box of books in the mail yesterday, and I spent hours looking through everything. I can't believe that she's starting K. I'm both excited and terrified that I'm actually doing this. Preschool was just a test run, and not "official", but something about having to fill out forms for the state that makes me a little nervous. But also excited at the same time!

Our Zay Bear Turns 1!

Last Sunday, we celebrated Zay Bear's 1st birthday. We had a traditional Dohl (Korean 1st Birthday celebration). He was a trooper through wearing his hanbok, taking family pictures, and doing the doljabi (choosing an object to "represent" your future). Can you guess our theme?

Here are some pics that capture the day.

Pictures of the little guy over the past year.


The favors: I made bear chocolate lollipops with molds.


And this little bear was a clearance score at Michael's.


Goodie bags for the little ones


The centerpieces


Greeting his cousin with a "boh boh"


The birthday boy


We had to bribe him with food for pictures.


The 5 of us! Notice the random Snoopy in the decor. The restaurant set up the table for us, and I didn't notice til I saw the pictures that they put him in there. Oh well!


Peter's family


My family


He just sat still and looked for a couple of minutes not grabbing anything. He looked like he didn't know what to do.


He ended up picking the brush (like his brother).


But then "picked" my dad, just like T-Max too! And reached for the money after that, just like his sister. It looks like he'll learn a lot from them!

Zay Bear saying, "No Noona, you need to get your own cupcake!"


The bear cupcakes




My tradition for each kids dohl


His first bite of birthday cake.


More pics from the day on flickr.

The only picture of his real smile all evening.

N's Princess Knight party

We had a blast celebrating our little girlie's 5th birthday! Everything was themed around princesses and knights.

As the fair maidens arrived, they were crowned princesses for the day with handmade tiaras from pipe cleaners. The little gentlemen arrived, and they were dubbed knights for the day with their pipe cleaner swords.



All the princesses and knights together!


They were told the tale of a princess who had been locked up at the top of a tower by the fire-breathing dragon. She was soon to marry her prince, when she was captured by the dragon and put away. In order to save her, the princess and knights needed to find the "King's Treasure" and pay a ransom to the dragon. So the King asked them to search high and low around the castle to find the golden nuggets (chocolate). Their task was to collect at least 25 gold pieces to free the princess. The knights and princesses succeeded at the task, and even collected more than 25 pieces!

Counting the king's gold


The presented the treasure to the dragon, but he did not release her until they were able to unlock the door. In order to open the lock, they would need to successfully land the "beanbag" into the tiaras. Each princess and knight had a turn, and they were able to "unlock" the door. The princess was free at last!

"Unlocking" the door


Once the princess was free, she was ready to marry her princes. But wait! She found that the dragon had turned her prince into a frog. In order to change him back into human form, she must "kiss" him with true love's kiss.

"Kissing" the frog


They turned the frog back into a prince and were married to live happily every after!

Next the princess and knights worked on a craft. The princesses decorated foam tiaras, while the knights decorated their shields.


Afterwards, they ate their royal meal, and sang to the princess of honor.


They yummily devoured their dessert.


and their ended their day at N's castle! We had a blast!

The Royal Family


See all the pics from the fun day here. Videos to come soon. The King is busy working on our littlest prince's 1 year video/slideshow!